I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
