Your face is a jimmy john
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
