Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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