just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
