absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
