He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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