seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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