Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
