tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I forget how to act sober
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