so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
