I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
