I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
