When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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