My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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