yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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