Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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