Will you blow on my dice?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Can I color on your dick again?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
