Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
