new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
