so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
