I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
