So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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