Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
