I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
