Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
