I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
