My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
