And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
