Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
