i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
