I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
