you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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