we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
