OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
