making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
