If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
