I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
