I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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