he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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