my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
