I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
