The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
