he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
