Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
