I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
