my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
