apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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