I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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