So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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