Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
