: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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