I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
