My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
