all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
