if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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